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scurvyknaveryOriginally posted 11 May, 2006.
Title: Palimpsest
Pairing: Addison/Meredith (obviously, Meredith/Derek & Addison/Derek implied)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "It's not so much weird as it is comforting."
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
pal·imp·sest (n) 1. A manuscript, typically of papyrus or parchment, that has been written on more than once, with the earlier writing incompletely erased and often legible. 2. An object, place, or area that reflects its history.*
This is them, together. This is Addison, curled around Meredith while she talks and talks about everything and anything but the fact that she's lying in her ex-boyfriend's bed and his wife is running her fingers over the curve of her hipbone. And how it's not so much weird as it is comforting.
This is the eye of the storm. This is the calm before everything speeds up and the scariness and damage catch up with her again. Because even though she says it's over, Meredith knows it'll never be over until Derek believes it's over. It'll never be over until Derek can see her with another man and not react like she's cheated on him, which is unfair and stupid. It's very stupid and she's pretty sure even he (the stupidest man of all stupid men) must know that, because he gets to go home to his wife every night when she doesn't have one and there's clearly an imbalance somewhere.
And she can't deal with the stupidity and the ridiculousness of this anymore. Which is why she prefers being able to go home to his wife (even though this is stupid in its own way) and have everything make sense. Because Addison is nothing if not straightforward, and it's refreshing in ways Meredith can hardly begin to describe. Addison doesn't try to pretend this is something greater or lesser than what it is. She doesn't try to ask her on dates, doesn't sexually harass her in elevators. She doesn't try to pretend they could ever be friends, except when she's making a point (that he doesn't see) to Derek, because she just knows.
She knows exactly what Meredith needs, because this is what Addison needs. This is Meredith and Addison, naked in a trailer that doesn't really belong to them, talking about books they've read, and arguing over the relative mental stability of Tom Cruise. This is Addison, only half listening and half wondering if it still counts as adultery if both spouses cheated with the same person. This is Meredith, only half focusing on what she's saying while quietly knowing that if she ever told Derek she was actively encouraging adultery it would be over, but that she'll never have the courage to tell him. And it's a relief for both of them that when they're together, he only takes up half of their thoughts.
This is Addison, stilling the movement of Meredith's hands (she gestures a lot, when she's talking for the sake of filling silence) and straddling her. This is Addison, looking Meredith in the eye and kissing her in a way that's reassuring, because it doesn't feel like love.
This is also, like everything else, all about him. This is about the impression he's left, the one that Addison sees in Meredith when she least expects it. This is about the fact that even though he's not here, his influence is everywhere. It's in the flannel sheets that Addison is careful to put on the bed when Meredith comes over, and the small, spiteful rush she gets from sleeping with his girlfriend on the bedding he claims is his favourite. (It wasn't, until she used it to sleep with Mark) It's in the Dartmouth shirt Meredith always wears because there's an odd kind of symmetry in having her last kiss with her boyfriend and her first kiss with his wife in the same outfit. (It's a shirt she was going to throw out, before she almost died)
It's in the way Meredith knows to kiss Addison's collarbone right away, because Derek used to kiss her the same way. (She never liked it, but didn't have the heart to say anything) It's in the way Addison knows to use her teeth when she goes down on Meredith, because Derek never did that when they lived in New York.
This is them, Meredith and Addison. Complimentary and comfortable and safe in the knowledge that this is only temporary. Altered and repaired and altered again by the same stupid man. This is them, palimpsestuous.
+++
*Definition from American Heritage Dictionary, as published on bartleby.com
Title: Palimpsest
Pairing: Addison/Meredith (obviously, Meredith/Derek & Addison/Derek implied)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "It's not so much weird as it is comforting."
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
pal·imp·sest (n) 1. A manuscript, typically of papyrus or parchment, that has been written on more than once, with the earlier writing incompletely erased and often legible. 2. An object, place, or area that reflects its history.*
This is them, together. This is Addison, curled around Meredith while she talks and talks about everything and anything but the fact that she's lying in her ex-boyfriend's bed and his wife is running her fingers over the curve of her hipbone. And how it's not so much weird as it is comforting.
This is the eye of the storm. This is the calm before everything speeds up and the scariness and damage catch up with her again. Because even though she says it's over, Meredith knows it'll never be over until Derek believes it's over. It'll never be over until Derek can see her with another man and not react like she's cheated on him, which is unfair and stupid. It's very stupid and she's pretty sure even he (the stupidest man of all stupid men) must know that, because he gets to go home to his wife every night when she doesn't have one and there's clearly an imbalance somewhere.
And she can't deal with the stupidity and the ridiculousness of this anymore. Which is why she prefers being able to go home to his wife (even though this is stupid in its own way) and have everything make sense. Because Addison is nothing if not straightforward, and it's refreshing in ways Meredith can hardly begin to describe. Addison doesn't try to pretend this is something greater or lesser than what it is. She doesn't try to ask her on dates, doesn't sexually harass her in elevators. She doesn't try to pretend they could ever be friends, except when she's making a point (that he doesn't see) to Derek, because she just knows.
She knows exactly what Meredith needs, because this is what Addison needs. This is Meredith and Addison, naked in a trailer that doesn't really belong to them, talking about books they've read, and arguing over the relative mental stability of Tom Cruise. This is Addison, only half listening and half wondering if it still counts as adultery if both spouses cheated with the same person. This is Meredith, only half focusing on what she's saying while quietly knowing that if she ever told Derek she was actively encouraging adultery it would be over, but that she'll never have the courage to tell him. And it's a relief for both of them that when they're together, he only takes up half of their thoughts.
This is Addison, stilling the movement of Meredith's hands (she gestures a lot, when she's talking for the sake of filling silence) and straddling her. This is Addison, looking Meredith in the eye and kissing her in a way that's reassuring, because it doesn't feel like love.
This is also, like everything else, all about him. This is about the impression he's left, the one that Addison sees in Meredith when she least expects it. This is about the fact that even though he's not here, his influence is everywhere. It's in the flannel sheets that Addison is careful to put on the bed when Meredith comes over, and the small, spiteful rush she gets from sleeping with his girlfriend on the bedding he claims is his favourite. (It wasn't, until she used it to sleep with Mark) It's in the Dartmouth shirt Meredith always wears because there's an odd kind of symmetry in having her last kiss with her boyfriend and her first kiss with his wife in the same outfit. (It's a shirt she was going to throw out, before she almost died)
It's in the way Meredith knows to kiss Addison's collarbone right away, because Derek used to kiss her the same way. (She never liked it, but didn't have the heart to say anything) It's in the way Addison knows to use her teeth when she goes down on Meredith, because Derek never did that when they lived in New York.
This is them, Meredith and Addison. Complimentary and comfortable and safe in the knowledge that this is only temporary. Altered and repaired and altered again by the same stupid man. This is them, palimpsestuous.
+++
*Definition from American Heritage Dictionary, as published on bartleby.com